Good morning! I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July. We spent our 4th of July on vacation in Destin, FL. As I mentioned in my previous post, I spent our last Destin vacation (in 2013) in the hospital with a ruptured ovarian cyst. Unfortunately, I had a little scare and had to return to the same hospital this time. Our first morning there, my husband and my mom went out deep sea fishing. I stayed at the condo to rest because deep sea fishing isn’t safe for pregnant women and it isn’t my thing anyway. They left around 4a.m. A few hours later, I woke up in the most horrible discomfort I have ever experienced in my life.
I knew something was wrong. I went to the bathroom and the pain intensified. I looked in the toilet and noticed a pretty sizable amount of blood. You NEVER want to see blood when you’re pregnant. With my mom and hubby offshore and out of cell phone reception, I had no choice but to drive myself to the hospital. When I arrived, the nurse gave me a cup to provide a urine specimen in. I filled the cup and noticed it was full of blood. I started to panic, thinking that there was a good chance I was having a miscarriage and I was all alone.
The doctor came in to see me and ask a few questions about my history and the pregnancy. Then he left to test the urine. Thankfully, it turned out that I had hemorrhagic cystitis, which is basically such a bad UTI that you get little blood clots in your bladder that rupture when you go to the bathroom. The doctor said this is somewhat common in early pregnancy. When the uterus grows so quickly, it can block off the urethra making it impossible to properly eliminate all of the urine.
Phew! I felt a little better, but I was still worried about the baby. I begged and begged for an ultrasound but was met with an emphatic “NO!” The doctor said it was very clear that I had hemorrhagic cystitis and there was no reason to check the baby. I tried to explain that this baby was my little miracle baby who was conceived after a very long struggle with infertility. I told him it would alleviate all of my stress and fear if I could just see that little heart flickering on the screen. He not only refused but asked if I was questioning his authority that the baby was OK.
He left the room in a huff and returned moments later with 2 pills. He put the pills in my hand with a glass of water and instructed me to swallow them and sign my discharge papers. I asked him what pregnancy class these pills were in. He told me that he wasn’t sure. I asked if he could look it up. He said no and asked why I came to the hospital if I didn’t trust him to treat me.
I started to feel both upset and enraged that this doctor was treating me so poorly at such a stressful time. I told him that I would not swallow the pills or sign the discharge papers until I spoke to my doctor and that if my doctor thought I needed an ultrasound I would not move out of the bed until they gave me one. He looked surprised. He was definitely a pompous idiot, and I got the impression that he isn’t used to patients standing up to him. Mama Hen does not play.
I called my doctor’s office and got the on-call doctor. I told him all of my symptoms and before I could get the diagnosis out of my mouth, he said it was hemorrhagic cystitis. That made me feel SO much better. He calmed me down and explained the condition in a very patient manner, assuring me that this would not affect the baby. He told me that both medications the doctor prescribed were very safe to take. He also said that while he didn’t think an ultrasound was absolutely necessary, he was shocked that any doctor wouldn’t order one to ease an expectant mother’s worries. Thank you!
I hung up the phone in a much calmer state of mind, swallowed the pills and signed the discharge papers. The medicine made me feel pretty awful for the rest of the vacation and fear kept creeping into the back of my mind that this was somehow affecting the baby. I tried to enjoy myself as much as possible given the circumstances.
My doctor promised to do an ultrasound as soon as I returned home. The 5 days in between passed very slowly. Yesterday my ultrasound appointment was scheduled for 9:15. I showed up at 8:15 praying they would call me back early. I felt so anxious. I just had to see that little heart beating. As soon as I signed in, they called me back. I stared at the screen and the tears started flowing when I finally saw that little heart beating stronger than ever. The ultrasound tech didn’t even need to point it out this time. It was clear as day. My heart felt so full!
She was also able to point out the formation of the pre-brain, the spine and the little arm buds and leg buds. The baby was incredibly active, flip flopping all over the place and the heart rate was 159. I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight. I think it was the first time I really experienced that surreal feeling that someone is actually living inside of me.
A friend recently told me, “You’ll worry every day until you hold that baby in your arms and then you’ll worry every day for the rest of your life.” That definitely rang true this week. Even though I am still in the earliest stages of motherhood, it’s a crazy feeling to worry about the needs of someone else before your own every moment of the day. I think about the safety of every activity I do and every piece of food I put in my mouth. When I’m in pain, I’m more worried about the safety and health of the baby than getting relief and feeling better. This is just the beginning of this new stage of life where my needs take a back seat to another person, and I feel so lucky that God has given me the ability to experience this. I’m looking forward to being a crazy Mama Hen for the rest of my days. 🙂