Tag Archives: IVF

The Most Beautiful Little Sac I Ever Did See

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There it is in all its glory…my beautiful little gestational sac! I was originally supposed to go to the doctor Thursday, but I started having some really sharp pains on my right side yesterday afternoon. I called the doctor, who said he felt confident that the pain was due to my ligaments stretching out to make room for the baby but asked me to come in a day early just to be sure.

I barely slept last night because I was anxious to make sure everything was ok and excited about seeing our baby or babies’ sacs today. Matt and I were extremely giddy when the ultrasound tech called us back. We couldn’t wait to see something…anything! Before we knew it, this beautiful little sac came up on the screen. How are we so lucky to be blessed with this miracle?

The ultrasound tech said the sac looked perfect and she could even see a very defined formation of the yolk sac inside of it. She checked around to make sure there weren’t any other sacs. Since there is 1 sac, we know that only 1 of the 2 embryos we transferred actually implanted. We are most likely expecting 1 baby, but the doctor said there is about a 20% chance that the embryo split and there are identical twins inside of the sac. They couldn’t tell yet, but we will be able to see inside of the sac next Thursday!

I am mesmerized by that beautiful picture. I came home and framed it immediately. It’s crazy how much I already love this tiny little baby. I am beyond grateful that everything is developing right on track. I will never take this gift for granted. I feel so lucky that God entrusted us with this precious child.

As much as I wish we could have gotten pregnant the easy way, I do have to admit that it has been cool to watch this process unfold. Most OB patients don’t get their first glimpse of their baby for another 2 and a half weeks. First, we got to see the embryos. Then we got to watch the embryos go into the uterus on ultrasound. Then we got the positive pregnancy test. This week we got to see the gestational sac. Next week we get to see what’s inside of the sac and the following week we get to hear the heartbeat. It’s like opening a new present every week. I can’t wait to see what comes next.

I do have one little soapbox and/or disclaimer, though. A few people I’ve told this morning have said, “Aww it’s only one?” or, “Oh it’s JUST one?” No. It’s ONLY the most beautiful miracle I’ve ever seen and JUST one more baby than I thought I might ever be able to have. People asked if we were disappointed. Is that a real question? How could anyone, especially a couple who has yearned and struggled for a baby as much as we have, EVER be disappointed to see their child for the first time? Please.

Anyway, on a happier note, we got to celebrate Matt’s first Father’s Day this weekend.

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Happy 1st Father’s Day, Matt!

He loves to fish, so I embroidered 2 outfits (boy and girl options) that said “Daddy’s Fishing Buddy.”

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Daddy’s Fishing Buddy

I also decided that I want to take weekly bump pictures and make them into a collage for the baby book. I enter a new week of pregnancy every Sunday, so I thought Father’s Day would be a fun occasion to take the first.

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1st bump picture. The belly is really left over from all of the IVF meds and not from the baby yet.

We have been having a lot of fun with the journey and enjoying every moment. I plan to savor each step of the pregnancy. I couldn’t be more thankful for this incredible opportunity. All of you continue to be in my prayers. Hopefully I will have a picture of the (very tiny) baby to show you next Thursday. Have a wonderful rest of the week! 🙂

Soon to be Mommy

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I am sitting here still in complete disbelief as I share the news with you that I AM PREGNANT! I still can’t believe it. I can’t process it. I can’t believe it’s real! Here’s how it all went down…

Last Friday (June 5th), the doctor transferred 2 of our embryos into my uterus. I was on strict bed rest for the entire weekend. I could only get up to use the potty. I have to give a huge shout out to my mom, who kept me at her house and took incredible care of me all weekend while Matt was working. She fixed me meals and snacks, gave me my shots, took care of my dogs and hand delivered any and everything to the couch to make sure I didn’t have to move an inch. She is an outstanding role model for me, and I hope I can be even half the mom she is. With her loving care and attention, the weekend flew by.

By the time I came back home and Monday rolled around, the anxiety started creeping in. I wanted to take a home test, but I knew I couldn’t. The trigger shot (which contains the pregnancy hormone and can produce a false positive) was still in my system. I started googling what the embryos should be doing day by day and what, if any, symptoms I should be experiencing. Doubt started to creep in because I didn’t feel any different. I started to wonder how I would handle it if we got bad news. I didn’t think I could take it. If this didn’t work after everything we’ve been through, I honestly wasn’t sure I could handle another blow of that magnitude. My mind started to race and I went to afternoon Mass to calm myself down. I left Mass with a renewed sense of faith that I could handle the outcome, whatever it may be. I had definitely lost confidence, though.

When you go through fertility treatments month after month and you never get good news, you start to become a little jaded. It’s not that you want to be negative. It’s just that you feel like you have to protect yourself. I decided that I would remain cautiously optimistic. I went to the drug store and bought a box (ok, 3 boxes) of pregnancy tests. My doctor advised me not to use home tests, because they only detect such a high level of hCG that I was highly unlikely to get a positive before my blood test. Of course I didn’t listen. I have peed on hundreds, if not thousands, of tests throughout our journey. Matt jokes that he wishes he had bought stock in First Response as soon as we started trying to conceive.

Tuesday morning I woke up and used my first home test. I was relieved to see it was negative, because that meant the trigger shot had left my body. Now it was game time, and I knew I could test away!

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Tests, tests and more tests!

Wednesday morning I woke up and used my second home test around 5a.m. It was negative, so I went back to sleep for a bit. When I woke up for the day, I took a closer look at it. After holding it in numerous different lights, I noticed that there was the faintest, tiniest semblance of a shadow of a second line. I ran in the other room and showed it to Matt. He told me I was crazy and that it was probably an evaporation line. I was indignant. I have taken more pregnancy tests than just about anyone in the world, and I have NEVER EVER EVER even seen a hint of a second line. I tried not to get my hopes up. It was a “squinter” for sure, but it was there. I went about my day with an added spring in my step.

Thursday morning I woke up and took another test. The line was still faint, but it was undeniable at this point. The tears started flowing and just wouldn’t stop. I danced all over the house, laughed, cried and felt the craziest rush of emotions I have ever felt. My doctor usually performs the blood test 9 days after the transfer. In my case, 9 days post transfer fell on a Sunday (of course). He said he could do the blood test Friday but very few patients get a positive result that soon. So, we originally opted to do the blood test Monday. After I saw that second line Thursday, though, I changed my mind and re-scheduled the blood test for the next morning at 8a.m.

Friday morning I woke up and took another home pregnancy test. The second line was even darker! I tried to contain my excitement as I drove over to the doctor’s office. The nurse called me back and explained that it was extremely rare for a positive blood test to show up this soon. She was trying to manage my expectations. That’s when I hit her with the news that I hadn’t followed their advice and I had been taking home tests and getting positives. She assured me that if it was already showing up on home tests, it would ABSOLUTELY show up on the blood work. She congratulated me and hugged me, the receptionist hugged me, the phlebotomist hugged me and we basically had a party in the hall. The tears flowed down my face, and my heart felt so full to know that they were THAT happy for me. They have seen me through my worst times. I have walked out of the office in tears on numerous occasions, but happy tears were definitely something new!

I still felt like I had to hear the results of the blood work to believe it. Maybe the tests were errors. This was just too good to be true. I got my blood drawn and made a quick trip to Target to pass the time. I drove home and walked in the house at the exact moment the phone rang. It was my nurse. Not only was the test positive, but the level was fairly high. We either have 1 very healthy baby on our hands or twins! Cue the waterworks!

Matt had just walked in from working overnight and I got to tell him he was officially going to be a Daddy. He was exhausted but elated. No rest for him! We were off to tell my mom and his parents the good news. They were over the moon. We came home, and he finally got a nap. We spent the rest of the day calling and texting family and friends with the incredible news. Last night, my aunts were eating at my mom’s house, so I showed up with baby carriage and pacifier balloons. They started crying.

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Holding the balloons with my mom!

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. The weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders, and everything is just a little sweeter. I can’t explain the joy I feel in my heart. I can’t wipe this silly smile off of my face. There is at least one little angel living inside of me. How did I get so lucky?

There were lots of days when I never thought I would get to experience this. Days I never thought I would get to feel the joy of pregnancy and I thought the prospect of us having a child was just impossible. I’m living proof that no matter how bad your conditions are, no matter how impossible things seem, no matter how many valleys you go through and setbacks you experience, and no matter how many times the answer is “no,” there will come a day when the answer will be “yes.” In the blink of an eye, God can turn it all around. If you follow this blog because you’re struggling with infertility or even if you’re dealing with an unrelated issue in your life, I’m here to tell you: DON’T GIVE UP. DON’T LOSE HOPE. DON’T EVER ACCEPT DEFEAT. It may take a long time. It’s taken a lot of people a hell of a lot longer than it’s taken me, but you WILL get your miracle. And when you do, your heart will be so full with joy that all of the hurt from the past will melt away. The sun will shine brightly again. Brighter than it ever has before, in fact. The light will come at the end of the tunnel. You’ll see the rainbow after the storm. Keep dreaming. Keep praying. Most importantly, keep your faith in God. Nothing is impossible when He is on your side.

I want to thank each and every one of you for reading my blog. You have given me a purpose and kept me focused on the good days and the bad. In you I have found an outlet, a support system, an army of prayers and a network of friends. You have been an invaluable part of my life, and there’s just no way I could possibly thank you enough. I will continue to write and chronicle my pregnancy for those who are interested. If you’re going through infertility and it’s too difficult to see pregnancy updates, I completely understand that too. I’ve been there.

Please continue to keep my ever growing little family in your prayers. I go back to the doctor Thursday for repeat blood work to make sure my numbers are doubling every few days, a blood flow ultrasound to make sure my arteries are pumping an adequate blood supply to my uterus and an ultrasound to hopefully see if we have one little Pipplet in there or 2.

Again, thank you. I am the most blessed woman on Earth. When I first started this blog, I didn’t know if even one person would read it. The fact that so many of you read and care so deeply is something for which I will never be able to convey my sincere gratitude. Because of you, I am no longer Praying to be Mommy but Soon to be Mommy. 🙂

The Waiting Game

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Hi friends! I know I’ve been MIA since my transfer last Friday, but there hasn’t been much to report. It’s all just a waiting game now and I’m left feeling like Sweet Brown…Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That. I will go to the doctor on Monday, June 15th for my beta hCG blood test to find out if I’m pregnant or not. I’m trying to keep myself occupied, but the wait is driving me a little crazy.

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Today we are 4 days post transfer, so the embryos should really be getting to work and getting their implant on. I have done everything I can think of to encourage them to do so. First of all, I’ve been playing a lot of Justin Timberlake for them. My children have no choice but to like him, so I want to get them started early. We’ve already made it through 3 of his albums.

I’ve also been looking for signs everywhere. Y’all know how I am about my signs. Matt and I ate Chinese food and I got this fortune:

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I was elated! The doctor told me I can start testing at home over the weekend but probably won’t get a positive until Monday. The answer to our all important question was revealed by a fortune cookie! We will find out this weekend that I’m pregnant! I know, I’m crazy. Everyone I have shown this to so far has either laughed, shaken their head or done a combination of the two. What do you think…generic fortune cookie insert or message from above? 🙂

Also, someone messaged me to recommend positive visualization of embryos implanting by a specific spoken word artist. I tried to listen to those yesterday, but Matt told me to “turn that hippy sh** off.” I listened to them this afternoon while he was gone, and they were quite enlightening. I learned that my uterus is smooth and supple. A little bit out there, but hey whatever works.

I’ve also been using the relics and oils people have given me throughout our ongoing battle with infertility. My favorite saint to pray to is St. Gerard Majella. He is the patron saint of infertility as well as expectant mothers. I wear his medal around my neck every day. You won’t catch me without it. Holding onto it is the only thing that has gotten me through some of my toughest doctor appointments. He was with me the day I thought I was going to lose an ovary, and he has been with me at every appointment since. I also have a small piece of cloth that was touched to one of his relics that I like to rub on my belly.

Another person I like to pray to is Blessed Francis Xavier Seelos. He was from my hometown of New Orleans and is credited with numerous miracles. Pope John Paul II proclaimed him Blessed in 2000, and he is just one miracle away from becoming a saint. I was lucky enough to visit his shrine with my friends Mrs. Betty and Brittanie and get blessed with his relic and the cross he used to pray with. When I went to the shrine, I was at an ultimate low. We kept getting setback after setback and weren’t even able to proceed with treatment. Shortly thereafter, things started looking up and we were able to start our treatments. I don’t believe in coincidences, only miracles. I keep a cross and a piece of cloth that were touched to Father Seelos’ relics on my nightstand, and I have been rubbing those on my belly every night too. If you ever get a chance to visit the shrine in New Orleans, you should! It is beautiful. You can read more about Father Seelos here: http://www.seelos.org

Another thing I like to rub on my belly is holy oil from the Basilica of Sainte Anne de Beaupré in Quebec, Canada. The shrine was built in honor of St. Anne, who was the mother of Mary. It has been credited with countless miracles of healing. I haven’t made my way to Canada yet, but a close family friend who suffered with infertility brought me a bottle of the oil. He and his wife conceived a month after visiting the shrine after years of exploring every option available.

The funny thing about going through something like this is that everyone you meet offers different solutions that have worked for them. I can honestly say I have tried them all. I won’t be able to credit a particular saint for interceding when our little miracle comes along because I have called on so many. Instead, I will give credit to each and every person who has offered help and prayers along the way.

I’ve read that when you go through your darkest times, that’s when you flex and strengthen your spiritual muscle the most and that’s when your faith grows by leaps and bounds. It’s absolutely true. When things are going well in your life, it’s easy to forget to stop and thank God. But when you struggle and you suffer and you fail to understand, faith is the only thing that pulls you through.

Of course I always wish our path to parenthood could have been easier and we could have conceived with little to no effort like most people. But that wasn’t God’s plan for us. God chose us to be the 1 in 8 couples who have to struggle and fight a little harder. I’m thankful for the growth I’ve experienced in my faith and my relationship with God throughout this process.

Please pray the test is positive Monday and that I can have a healthy pregnancy. If It’s negative, I can honestly tell you I will be devastated beyond belief. I know God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers, though, and I will keep fighting the good fight either way. I promise to update as soon as I know something and have shared the results with family and close friends. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for every single prayer and positive thought you have sent our way.

I’m PUPO!

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As of this morning, I’m officially PUPO-Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. You really can’t make this stuff up. I’m tempted to design a line of fertility treatment inspired t-shirts emblazoned with all of the crazy terminology and acronyms you learn along the way.

Today was a GREAT day. We didn’t think Matt was going to be able to make it because he was out of town working. By some crazy miracle, he made it back in town and popped into my room with moments to spare. Doesn’t he look cute in scrubs?

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Daddy all scrubbed up and ready to go!

We waited around for a little while until the embryologist gave a final report. 8 of our embryos made it to the blastocyst stage.  We spoke with our doctor and confirmed our decision to implant the 2 best blastocysts this morning and freeze the remaining 6 for later attempts. Then he handed us our first picture of our sweet little babies, and I just about lost it.

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Babies’ First Picture!

They are the most beautiful little babies I’ve ever seen! I immediately pulled a sheet protector out of my purse to put the picture in before it got damaged. Everyone got a pretty good laugh out of that. Then it was time for the transfer. Everything went well. It was incredible to watch the embryos going into my uterus on the screen. Definitely a moment Matt and I will never forget. We even got our first ultrasound picture of the embryos inside of my uterus! That one went straight into the sheet protector too!

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The embryos are the little white area under the pointer!

Some time within the next couple of hours the embryos should hatch out of their shells and (HOPEFULLY) implant in my uterus. I am on strict bed rest for the next 48 hours while these 2 little babies do their thing. I’m already giving them pep talks and telling them to make themselves at home. They better listen to their Mama! On June 15th, I’ll get a blood test that will tell us whether they have decided to stick around.

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With any luck, we can repeat this picture in 37 weeks with 2 little bundles of joy in our arms. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the prayers! All of your love and support has touched my heart in ways you can’t even imagine. Please continue to pray that our embryos will implant and develop into healthy babies! Have a great weekend, y’all! 🙂

A Week of Lasts

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Tomorrow morning at 8a.m. two of our beautiful little embryos will be transferred into my uterus. If those lil guys get in there, hunker down and make themselves at home, I will be 3 weeks pregnant as of tomorrow. Insanity! Then, of course, there’s a chance that they won’t and I won’t become pregnant at all. Either way, I won’t know how it plays out until my blood test in 12 days. With that being said, I have to act as though I’m pregnant as soon as the embryos are transferred in the morning.

That got me thinking. I wanted to make sure I enjoyed the last time I would do some of my favorite things for a while. I know I might only be giving up these things for 12 days if I get a negative on June 14th; however, there’s a 50-75% chance I won’t be doing these things again until late February after I give birth. Some of you will think I’m crazy. I’m sure many of you already do anyway. And you’re right, I am. Some of you will think this is overly optimistic. Those of you who are superstitious might even think it’s back luck. I choose positivity. I believe a large part of the outcome is based on the outlook. So, I choose to believe that this WILL work, that I WILL be 3 weeks pregnant tomorrow and that I won’t be indulging in any of these things ’til late February. So, here is my week of lasts:

  • Monday I didn’t celebrate any “lasts” because I was still recovering from the retrieval surgery the day before.
  • Tuesday, I celebrated my last alcoholic beverage. My favorite drink of all is white sangria from the Mexican restaurant by our house, so I knew that had to be my last drink. I could only have 1 because I’m on antibiotics and steroids to prevent my body from rejecting the embryos. That was a little tough, but it sure was delicious!
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My last alcoholic beverage

  • Wednesday, I got my hair highlighted for the last time. My doctor doesn’t allow you to color your hair during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, so I had to make sure to get this one in! Thanks to Keri Wisler for fitting me in very last minute.
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My last highlight

  • Tuesday night I remembered that my second favorite alcoholic beverage is Sweet Riesling, so I had another “last drink.” Whoopsie! I am a New Orleans girl, after all.
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My other last alcoholic beverage

  • This morning was the toughest “last” of all…my LAST cup of espresso. If you know me well, you know that I basically can’t be addressed in the morning until I’ve had a cup of espresso. Coffee is my addiction. I had my first cup of Starbucks when I was 16, and I haven’t started a morning without espresso since. Back in 2009, I decided to give up coffee for Lent. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that the Starbucks by my house went out of business that year on Good Friday. My husband had to get an espresso machine for our house just so we could save some money. It’s that bad. I savored every drop this morning, and I know this is the thing I will miss the most!!
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My last espresso 😦

Now I know what some of you are thinking. It’s OK to have an occasional glass of wine and a daily cup of coffee when you’re pregnant. Some people highlight their hair in the first trimester too. Well, if I am lucky enough to get a positive test on June 14th, I am going to be one of those stick-in-the-mud pregnant women who plays it safe at every turn. I know, I know. I shouldn’t drive myself crazy, lots of people are going to think that’s annoying, it’s impossible to prevent some things and I can’t live in a hole. After all we have been through, though,  I will be the most fiercely protective Mama Hen you’ve ever seen. My greatest desire is for Matt and I to hold our child in our arms, and I won’t let anything get in our way. Please try to understand.

As always, thank you for the prayers and the love. There are no adequate words to express my gratitude to each and every one of you. Please continue to pray that the transfer will go well.

Can y’all think of any more “lasts” I need to squeeze in before morning comes? 🙂

Day 3 Embryo Update

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We got our day 3 embryo update today, and all 16 little Pipplets are still growing! I just can’t believe it. Our lil guys and girls should be between 4 and 8 cells today. Shockingly, they are all between 8 and 12 cells. They are really ahead of the game. Way to make Mama proud! The embryologist also assigns a grade to each embryo on day 3. 4 is the best grade and 1 is the worst. All of our embryos received grades between 2 and 4. Wow! God has been so good to us ONCE AGAIN! I just can’t say it enough.

To add to the good news, I have somehow escaped the nasty monster that is OHSS (hooray!) so my transfer is officially scheduled for Friday at 8a.m. It feels like the past year has been a lesson in Murphy’s law regarding my treatments. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. But now that we have finally reached the last frontier in fertility treatments, things seem to be lining up just perfectly. I feel confident that this is our time!

We will not get any more updates until I arrive for my transfer on Friday. At that time, they will tell us how many embryos are still growing and what their grades are. We are going to choose the best 2 embryos and transfer them into my uterus at that time. It’s crazy to think that by this time Friday I could be 3 weeks pregnant (possibly even with twins!).

My doctor is putting me on 48 hours of strict bed rest after the transfer and I will only be allowed to get up to use the potty. With that being said, I am running around like an absolute maniac trying to get everything done before Friday. Thank you for the prayers! Please keep them coming! Have a wonderful rest of the week! 🙂

Fertilization report

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God has been so good to us once again! I woke up this morning with incredibly sore ovaries and pretty strong cramps, but the pain is definitely manageable. Whatever the anesthesiologist put in my IV yesterday to cure my headache and nausea has kept it away indefinitely. She is an angel!

I am now taking daily progesterone shots in the muscle to plump up my uterus and prepare ideal living conditions for the babies we will (hopefully) be transferring on Friday. These are the first shots I’m not allowed to give myself. I had to place a lot of trust in my husband this morning while he jabbed me in my backside with a giant needle I couldn’t even see. Shockingly, it didn’t really hurt at all. The progesterone is in oil form though, so the nurse said that by tomorrow I will feel like I got punched in the booty. He has to massage the cheek for a minute after he gives the shot to spread out the oil. It’s quite romantic. Although we have known each other for 12 years, our relationship has soared to new heights of comfortability during this process.

After the shot, we anxiously awaited the call with with the fertilization report. The doctor told us he felt confident that we would not do any better than 50% fertilization because of all of my conditions. The phone rang and I took a deep breath and told Matt to mute the Sportsman’s channel. I’m pretty tired of hearing people whisper to each other in deer stands anyway.

The nurse was on the other end of the phone. First she wanted to go through all of my symptoms and chit chat. I tried to be polite, but I was dying inside. Then she hit me with it.

They harvested 22 eggs yesterday. My doctor said he believed between 13 and 15 were mature. As it turns out, the embryologist confirmed that NINETEEN were mature!!!! AMAZING!

Then she hit me with the miracle of the century. SIXTEEN of those nineteen eggs fertilized and turned into embryos. That is 84%, ladies and gentlemen (I don’t think too many of those ready this blog :)). SIXTEEN little Pipplets (Thanks to Ali Solino for coining that term) are growing in the lab right now.

I just can’t believe it. I am overwhelmed, emotional, grateful, etc. I am trying to allow myself to feel all of these emotions. I’m so cautious to get excited, because I know we still have a long way to go. It is inevitable that many of these embryos will stop growing before Friday. The doctor says he thinks we will be lucky if 30% of these little guys and gals survive until transfer day. That would leave us with 4 embryos if we’re lucky, but our little babies have already defied statistics once and they’re only 1 day old.

Because I believe that life begins at conception, I’m rejoicing in the fact that we have 16 little babies growing. This is farther than we have EVER gotten before, and that’s certainly something to smile about. They will not call us with another update until Wednesday morning. I have to find a way to occupy my mind until then. I know it’s all in God’s hands now, and I trust that it will play out according to His will. We’ve put in the work and the hard part is over with. Now I just keep repeating a phrase I took away from 19 years of Catholic school: “Let go and let God.”

It’s still super early, but I haven’t developed any symptoms of OHSS yet. Let’s hope this continues. If all goes well, I could be pregnant by Friday. WOW!!!! Let’s let that sink in for a little bit.

Once again, I want to humbly thank each of you from the bottom of my heart. Your prayers have uplifted me along this journey, and it’s obvious that God is listening. Keep them coming! We are really in the home stretch now.

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NOTE: THIS IS NOT A PICTURE OF OUR EMBRYO. We will get pictures of our embryos Friday. However, this is a picture of what our embryos look like this morning. The slightly smaller inner circle would be the 23 chromosomes I contributed to the embryo, and the slightly larger inner circle would be the 23 chromosomes Matt contributed to the embryo. Within the next 3 hours, the 2 circles will come together and join chromosomes, forming one nucleus of 46 chromosomes. It will look like this:

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By 2p.m., each embryo will already have his or her own DNA. How amazing is that? I actually cried when I looked at this picture this morning. I’d like to blame it on the hormones, but I’m just THAT happy to know our babies have made it to this stage. I’ll update y’all on Wednesday when I know more. Until then, I’m off to fill up on Gatorade and V8.

Grow little Pipplets, grow!

Mama Hen Laid Her Eggs

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This is going to be a super quick update. This Mama Hen just laid all of her eggs. I’m fresh out of egg retrieval surgery. The doctor retrieved 22 eggs, 13-15 of which he believes are mature. He was also able to drain my 30mm cyst while he was in there, so that was an added bonus!

He is is still very concerned about me developing OHSS, so he has instructed me to take an antihistamine called Chlor-Trimeton. I also have to drink 4 8oz. glasses of V8 every day and lots of Gatorade.

The embryologist will call us tomorrow morning to let us know how many eggs fertilized. Praying for good news there!

They are going to monitor my symptoms daily and decide on Thursday whether I can transfer the embryos back in on Friday or if I have to wait a month for my body to get healthy. Praying for good news there also!

I plan to spend the rest of the day resting. The anesthesiologist put some magical potion in my IV to cure my 9 day long migraine and curb my nausea. Best of all, I got a steady dose of Propofol (AKA Michael Jackson sleeping medicine), which still has me groggy.

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This is my hubby wheeling me out to go home. May the embryos be ever in our favor! 🙂

It’s Trigger Time!

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I went to the doctor again this morning. I pretty much live there now. If they would just let me post up in the corner on a cot it would be a whole lot easier.

Everything looks great today. Lots of mature follicles! Also of note, my uterine lining was 10mm thick. It has never been 10mm in my life. When I first started going to the fertility specialist, he told me that my uterine lining was so thin that I would not be able to sustain a pregnancy even if I miraculously got pregnant on my own. It was 4mm back in those days. They assign a grade to your lining at each ultrasound. It always bothered me that I got terrible grades. I felt like I was getting a bad report card on something I had no control over. It was just one more blow to remind me that my body was quite literally failing me every step of the way. Well, not anymore. Today this girl got an A. I wonder if Wendy’s still gives out frosties for good report cards. Anyone know?

Because of all of this great news, I can stop taking the injections (Alllllllelluia!!!) and take the trigger shot tonight at 7:30p.m. The trigger shot causes your body to ovulate exactly 36 hours after it is given. Just in case you’re as terrible at math as I am, that means ovulation will occur at 7:30 Sunday morning when the doctor will put me under anesthesia and go in to surgically remove the eggs.

My estrogen level was 2478 today, which is in an OK range. They still believe I have at least a 35% chance of developing OHSS after retrieval though, which would prevent transfer. When they aspirate the follicles to remove the eggs, the sacs will fill up with all the fluid in my body. For this reason, they want me to drink strictly Gatorade and V8 and eat anything and everything salty from this point forward. The salt will soak up some of the fluid in my body and prevent it from entering the sacs.

It has been a difficult road, but I actually can’t believe we’re already here. By this time Sunday we will have little embryos growing in a lab. That’s pretty crazy to wrap my head around. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all of your prayers. We couldn’t have gotten this far without each and every one of you. Please keep them coming and have a wonderful weekend!

Plot Twist

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plot twist

OK, good news first. I had 40, count them 40, follicles show up on ultrasound today. Many of them are already mature, so egg retrieval surgery is scheduled for this Sunday. Phew!! I am so miserable. I have spent the entire day dry heaving, and every time I take a step my ovaries bounce up and down like beach balls. I’m also on day 7 of the migraine from hell, which is worsening by the moment. I am in a state of discomfort I can’t even explain. I told my doctor to GET THESE OUT OF ME. He just laughed and told me he will take them out on Sunday.

Now for the bad news. Based on the fact that I now have 40 eggs, the doctor diagnosed me with PCOS this morning. In case you are keeping track, I now have Stage IV Endometriosis, a history of OHSS, escalated hormone levels, a hostile environment and PCOS. Based on the combination of all of these elements, my doctor firmly believes the quality of many of my eggs will be very poor.

Things are starting to make a little more sense now. Poor egg quality may be the reason I didn’t get pregnant with my last IUI when I had 9 eggs. That being said, he thinks my odds of success are now slim to none if I limit fertilization.

If you’ve been reading since the beginning, you know that my husband and I are not comfortable having any embryos left over because we believe life begins at conception. For this reason, we were only going to allow him to fertilize 3 eggs. Originally, he said we were looking at a 2 out of 3 fertilization rate, which would leave us with 2 fertilized eggs. Of those 2 eggs, he said statistically 50% would grow into usable embryos. Worst case scenario, this would leave us with 1 embryo to implant. Best case scenario, we would be thrilled with triplets.

That has been our plan all along. But once again, when we make a plan God laughs. Armed with the knowledge of this new diagnosis, my doctor is convinced that if we limit fertilization we will end up with NOTHING. We simply can’t bear the thought of going through all of this and wiping out our savings and not even ending up with 1 embryo to attempt pregnancy with.

He feels that if we allow him to fertilize all 24 mature eggs, we will be lucky to end up with 3 to 4 embryos at most. This would be perfect. It will probably take 3 to 4 embryos to eventually end up with our ideal family, as not all embryos turn into successful pregnancies.

On the flip side, there’s always the possibility that things will go better than expected and we will still have embryos left over after our family is complete. We were originally uncomfortable with donation but have changed our minds. After going through this process, we truly feel that any couple who wants a baby as much as we do deserves a chance to have one. If God blesses us with more embryos than we need, He must have plans for those embryos.

So we have decided to go big or go home. I know some of you might have mixed feelings about our decision. It might seem like we are abandoning the beliefs I pledged to stay so true to at the beginning of all of this. I have struggled with it myself. I honestly feel, though, that we aren’t abandoning our beliefs. No embryos will be destroyed or left frozen indefinitely. The only thing that changes is that if we are lucky enough, we will be able to bless a childless couple with a chance to fulfill their dream.

We do have one stipulation. We would send leftover embryos to another state across the country to be donated. For those of you who aren’t from New Orleans, let me start out by saying it is the smallest big city in the world. No one ever leaves, everyone is interconnected and there are MAX 2 degrees of separation from any stranger you meet on the street. If we donate the embryos at our local clinic, we worry that our kids could end up in the same high school class as their biological brothers or sisters, or even worse, date them! I also don’t want to run the risk of going to Target and seeing a baby that looks just like mine and constantly wondering. So it’s best if we send them out of state. In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I’m a crazy person who over thinks every situation and plays out all the scenarios in my head. Pray for Matt 🙂

All kidding aside, please pray for us in the home stretch of this journey. My estrogen level continues to rise and the doctor is still concerned about the possibility of OHSS. He said he will not decide until 4 days after retrieval if we will be able to transfer the embryos back into me on the 5th day or freeze them until my body gets back to normal. There are so many balls up in the air and I’m just hoping we can keep them all up long enough and make the right decisions. Luckily, I know God is guiding us every step of the way, and I couldn’t be more thankful.